Of Paradox and Loopholes;

I hate sandcastles, I fucking do.

What’s the  point of this entry then?

To expose all the EVILS of my greatest pet peeve ‘damned sandcastles’.

I was once a very patient kid. People used to praise that virtue of mine. But it’s because of one fucking sandcastle everything changed.

Oh how they allure me, seemingly wanting me to touch them, mold them into creation. Turn them into visions of countless happy endings, countless walks and countless laughs. Oh fucking sandcastles, they tease me into creating a dynasty fit for humanity.

Where day and night bring nothing but utmost prosperity.

Then with a wave of paradoxed despair. Those hopes and dreams vanish. Colliding with the source that built them. They collapse into an oblivion of eternal uniformity.

DAMNED SANCASTLES, they are the cause of all the DISASTERS of the world!
INCREASE OF CRIME RATE. RAT INFESTATIONS. LOCUST SWARMS. POVERTY. POLITICAL CORRUPTION.
DAMNED DAMNED DAMNED SANDCASTLES!

IF I COULD JUST GET MY HANDS ON THEM, I’D STAB THEM IN THE NECK WITH MY FINGERNAILS! MY FINGERNAILS OF VALOR!

I WOULD STRANGLE THEM!

THEY WOULD MEET THEIR FATE IN WAR!

WAGE WAR AGAINST THEM DAMNED SANDCASTLES.

Maybe I’m crazy, yeah, that’s probably it.

But it’s always a wonder finding out the most ridiculous pet peeve of a person. How bout you? What’s your ’sandcastle’?

Nobodies?

You know, the Kingdom Hearts type of nobody(been playing too much I know).

All nobodies have their original names rearranged into an anagram added with the letter X.
e.g.

Sora —> RoXas

Daryl —-> hmm… tough one…  RyXald. Whoa, that actually sounded cool!

Arra —> RaXar, or XArra or Rarax.

Erik —> KiXer(haha kisser), ReXik… hmm… Xiker.

haha… this is fun.

If you’re asking if the title has even the most remotely significant relation to this entry then the answer is no, just felt like putting it up.

I sometimes think I’m was born upsidedown-or downside up or whatever, my PC recently shook hands with the "blue screen of doom", the grim reaper of the digital kind, and now I’m writing a blog– in a cafe no less!

Random Crap:

It’s odd to look at constipated people… I mean I tried looking at our fat neighbor.

It seemed like he can’t compose himself, he was trying to cover it up but no way he’s decieving me. He tried sitting down, but upon reaching the moment where his ass and the seat made contact he flinched. He tried standing up but he looked– extremely uh… uncomfortable.

Was it really constipation? Or was it Diarrhea?

-x-o-x-o-

I noticed a purplish lump on the left side of my head. Yesterday some freaky bitch threw a shoe at me while I was at the mall parking lot. Said I looked like her x-bf, then she realized her mistake and then went on her way as if nothing had happened.

I was thinking, since when was it legal to throw shoes at parking lots?

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To remind one person of the things he/she really values.
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People like me, who are big dreamers need to be splashed with life’s cold water every once in a while. It’s because we mostly forget the people who was there with us, to the things that we can not live without…
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——————————————————————————————————————
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To Appreciate things that are left.
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Last night around 1:30Am, I felt this strong urge for a isoy break(that’s cigarettes fir all you slow folks).
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It’s amazing how you get a hard time to see the stars out here in the metropolis… I was used to looking at the stars at times back home.
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I don’t know what’s with stargazing but it makes me feel… secure. And for some odd reason, makes me feel human again.
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To drown someone beyond salvation.
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It only takes one calamity, one event, one misunderstanding, one object, one person, to fuck up someone’s life.
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You grieve/cry/hate, and before you know it, you’re an empty shell of the person you were once.
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And know what? You cannot be saved, not by anybody, not by nobody.
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Most of the time, not even love can wake you up…
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Because you can’t even feel love anymore.
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Yes, I know…
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Wait… I don’t know , but I don’t care anyways.
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I’ve finally shaken off my lethargy(convinced my lazy ass) tp go back to writing to please my readers(which is pretty non-existent as of now).
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Enough with the fucking drama, I’m tired of it. Time for some fun.
~

——————-

Yesterday I saw a beggar down the street on my way to class, some people give them money for either of these two reasons:
~

*They have good hearts

or

*They are taking the chance hoping that this certain bum is Jesus in disguise(so that they’d get thier wishes granted or something).

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Of course most would fall into the category of the latter. Goes to show how foolishly selfish people are.
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Well, I would have to say "Jesus" hated 25cents change, cause he snapped and chased a nursing student for giving him such insulting amounts of money. HA HA.
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I must have laughed my ass off while everybody was looking worried. Serves em right.
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I got some cold stares in return, but who gives a fuck?  Certainly not me.
~

——————————–
On a more serious note(Political issues, not for the opinionated old farts or the stupid majority):

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I love being a Filipino, but I hate the Philippines
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I mean, I’m not all the way agreeing with the Government or something like that. But I agree with a charter change.
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Why can’t those old hags and pigs accept that we need change? Is thier fear and hatred of the current government enough to doom us(the youth) to a constant cycle of bickering, stupidity?
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It’s easy for those people to go against it because they live here in the central, the metropolis.
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I mean, it’s pretty hard growing up in mindanao, or visayas. Mostly, people there are proud to be filipinos, unlike ingrates here in the Metropolis.
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Yet, it is us from those provinces that are most neglected.
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Don’t tell me that a Good President can solve that.
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Even if you put a Perfect President, people will always find a way to taint his/her reputation. Besides, 70% or so of the problems come from the Metropolis. Not from our provinces, much of the effort always lands here.
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Fuck capitalism, we want decentralization. Equality.
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And a change in systems would be great.
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Call me a dreamer, call me hopeful, call me an idealist.
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But it’s about time we get "EQUAL" previledges. The ones who feed this so-called Capital Region, the ones who produce the basic commodities for everyday life.

~
There are times when we feel deep regret and relief at the same time. I
finally admit something to myself that I longed struggled to admit.
~
~
-Relief, for I finally had come to a conclusion. I achieved the solution
on a problem that wasn’t really hard to solve anyway.-

-Regret, because I found out that no matter how hard I try, it never
is going to change.-
~
~
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It feels good to finally find myself. But the horrors of it’s effects
still haunt me.
~
Along with my admittance came my strong urge to tell somebody about it.
Who did I tell? Someone important to me of course. She might be bitchy
towards me, she might hurt my feelings at times, we even fight at times,
but it’s times like this I’m glad to have her in my life.
~
She just accepted things, and made me better bout myself. God knows how
lowly I see myself now… But she managed to save me from the spikes.
~
Yes, you might be wonderin who she is, I’m not in the position of revealin her,
but once she reads this… She will know it’s about her. I gained a new level of
respect towards her. And I now believe that she indeed, is a real person.
~
Sometimes I wish my life was like a novel or a movie, where the events
have an ending. You know, everything just ends, no one needs to suffer
anymore after the big rain.
~
Unfortunately, life isn’t like that. Along with this acceptance… comes
trials in life…
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It’s funny how life slaps you in the face, and how life uses that very
same hand to comfort you when all seems hopeless.
~
I think I had enough being everybody’s fool. Fooling people is really
easy, but fooling yourself? That’s another story.
~
As a great friend of mine said, a sailor’s advice,
"In the middle of a storm, the best way to survive a great wave, is to
head to it straight on, and ride it"
~
~
Maybe that’s what I’m doing now, riding the wave.
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On the sidenote:
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The infestation problems are finally over. I learned that
money does indeed make life easier.

~
Today I found large networks of "Anay/Termite" infestations near our stairs.
It’s really weird to look at it. I mean I could feel the hair on the back of my head rising and stuff.
~
Before we were overrun by swarms of these semi-quasi-wood-eating-locusts. Our helper decided to "burn" the infested nests and bring some water in case of emergency. I wasn’t too open to the idea… I mean, wouldn’t that burn the house too? She suggested  otherwise though. Saying that nothing could go wrong;
~

Results:

• *Smell of burning hair*

• *Panicking like the house is on fire… er… wait*

• *Panicking BECAUSE the house is on fire!!!*

• *Constant frantic cursing*

• *2 Nosy Neighbors*

• *Someone with a burned left eyebrow(and it ain’t me)*

• *A person with burned eybrow horrified, screaming and (dancing?) like she was summoning kingdom come.*

~
I tried calling maintainance to look at the nest but all I got was
enduring and wasting a few minutes to the useless rants of a former
frustrated insect terminator.
~
The season of October is "Anay" awareness month he says. I mean, WTF?
But then again before the maid with "burning fervours" return from
the drugstore, I agreed to have him take a look.
~

Results:

• *A bucket-worth of orange juice*

• *Lotsa mess*

• *More orange juice consumption*

• *Boring stories*

• *Geez, is orange juice really that addictive?*

• *Horrible cracking sound*

• *Frantic Running Away from the House as fast as possible*

• *The horror in learning that Termites "DO" bite*

Being a cheapsake does have it’s disadvantages… The frikin memory will haunt me as long as I live. *Sigh*

Maybe I’d try asking the "shaman/mangkukulam/mambabarang" next door about this infestation. She must have some
weird voodoo spells to rid our house of em.

Till then, "ta ta peasants". Err, yeah, seriously, I need to lay off the insecticides.

WARNING: This isn’t meant to be read/analyzed as it is part
of an experiment I’m doing. Pouring my heart isn’t what I’m doing here.
I’m using my mind instead to analyze things. The heart tends to be very
erroneous and I can’t afford any more additional errors.

They say that Dreams are the windows to the soul.

I say bullshit/otherwise. All that my dreams give me or show me are things that I really don’t have any reactions/relation/knowledge of or things I REALLY DON’T WANT AT ALL. It’s such a frickin feeling when I dream. It’s like I’m a totally different person complete with the whole set  (different names, different friends, different family, heck even different set of memories).

I always forget my dreams afterwards, but I have read once in an article that writing down your dreams just after you wake up helps you remember what your dreams are.

I tried that experiment for this whole week, and guess what? For the first few days I didn’t even dream. I eventally had my first dream though… and it made me wish I didn’t dream at all.

I have this weird pattern of dreaming, it starts with something that has no relation to anyting then chains up magically. I’m just gonna write the segment I remember.

~

"GO AHEAD!! JUMP!! We’ll catch you!!!"

I was walking towards a very tall building, in my dream I was the owner of a skyscraper. A businessman. I however hated every single employee I had.

I was also morbid. I killed any employee by ordering them to go inside this large oven I had and burning them.

I burned a lot of people I knew in real life-cause in my dream, they were all my slaves. My parents, my siblings, my friends. And I didn’t even feel any reservation, remorse or regret. I then dumped their burnt bodies or ashes(if I was feeling extra-snappy) on the window beside my table.

But one time, I tried burning this drunk employee I had, my building caught fire.

Me being on the top roof didn’t really have access for a quick escape. So when I heard voices on my window, and saw some of my employees, although there was something familiar about them, I didn’t think twice and listened to their suggestion to jump.

—Now you would think I woke up right?—

–Wrong–

My floor wasn’t exactly near the ground, a few hundred storeus up to be exact, you can only imagine how stupid it was to jump. I really didn’t realize until all those employees who said they’d catch me slowly turned into burning corpses… I just realized they were the ones I burned…

—Then I woke up because of some stupid News show on the radio(It was on alarm mode)—

~

I really think that dreams are kind of forms of escapism for most of us. But for me… I don’t know. Maybe it’s telling me something, Maybe I have an overly-active imagination, Maybe it was the semi-spoiled macaroni I ate for lunch, whatever it was… It isn’t escapism, no, not for me.

~
The second night I had a less dramatic dream, But it my own honest opinion, it’s the most eerie and twisted.
~

Ever since I was young, I always had this thing against dolls and rebultos(Replicas, Statues and Figurines). I hate them with passion. I mean, I don’t get the concept of making a replica of a living being just to parade it’s existance to the world.

The thought is just eerie for me and it’s a bit "off" and "deadbeat" for my cup of coffee.

~

"I SWEAR I SAW IT MOVE!!"

I was a factory worker at a doll manufacturing factory at my hometown(NO we don’t have them there). And whenever I worked, I always see on the corner of my eyes, the dolls moving. Sometimes carrying knives, sometimes thier eyes turn white.

I tried telling a few people but they were too busy to listen.

I recall being able to hear what they were saying too, but again, no one would listen to me.

Of course they were spoken in "visaya" but since most of you can’t
understand that, I had the courtesy to translate them into english.

"I’d snap her neck", "I’m going to gouge his eyes with a spoon", "How about tying them up and grinding thier heads to the packaging machine".

It got worse, ever statues and toys are starting to speak too, and only I was able to hear it.

I went home, the teddy-bears would say "Just wait when you sleep, I cut open your kidneys"
I went to church, the statues would say "Give me back my legs"-err yeah…

It only got worse and I woke up after jumping into a cliff.

~

It’s weird how you can only wake up when you "die" in your nightmare. Makes me wonder, if that applies to reality. When you die in reality… you know the drift.

It’s like dreams are previews and teasers to what is waiting for us after we die. Afterall, sleeping could be "temporary dying" for all we know…

WARNING: This isn’t meant to be read/analyzed as it is part of an experiment I’m doing. pouring my heart isn’t what I’m doing here. I’m using my mind instead to analyze things. The heart tends to be very erroneous and I can’t afford any more additional errors.

Just as the song goes, life is a duality of things… Duality and Sides that are contrary, but aren’t really contradictory. Although ironic, it makes sense. It’s simple really, very confusing in other words.

Remember-Forget

Truth-Lies

Hello-Goodbye

I can’t believe how this song applies to a lot of us. And I’m sure it applies to me, "the duality of life".

 

~I just can’t remember to forget you

        There are those instances when you know a person that is etched into your memory so hard-(diamond type of hard) that it is hard to forget them. The only way to do so is to try to remember(ironic isn’t it?) to forget them. The only problem is if you are forgetful in remembering. One moment you are thinking about what to eat/do/think and then "wham!". It starts to creep into your mind. Then before you know it, you’ve wasted your precious time to "the person", no amount of amnesia could ever make you forget.

    Why is it hard to forget that person? Maybe it is because of regret, maybe because of hate, or it could be a memory, or an event? In my case it is the connection. Connection, that I regreted to have disconnected myself. I don’t even know why I used the word but it seemed to fit. You just seem to know, "feel" that connection. I know most of you would feel that too.

~I’m honest to myself that the truth is I lied
   
    Accepting that you made a mistake takes a lot of effort, especially if you know that admitting so would make you actually look worse than before you make such a statement. Pride gets in the way, Self preservation gets in the way, alot of things gets in the way.

    Admitting to a fault you know you have no part to blame in is another thing though. I wonder what poison nature uses to the people when they lean towards attraction to a person, that makes them idiots.

    Yeah, I’ll be honest that I admitted to a lie, but I lied at the same time because I admitted something I didn’t do. Your head hurting yet? That’s how I exactly felt when I acted like an idiot. Now, if only I could bribe mother nature to sell me her "poison" and ask her if there is some antidote cause there are a bit too many people I know that are suffering from it. And I myself need an antidote badly right now.

On the side note: I’ve released the second revision of my NEW Arrangement of the Guilty Gear XX series. This is a remix of Baiken’s Theme and Anji Mito’s theme. Comments and Criticism bout the song are always welcome.  You can download the song(Membership not necessary) at:

http://vgmix.com/song_view.php?song_id=4932

Am I just imagining things or is my blog dead…?